One of the really beautiful things about raising children is realizing that there are a variety of ways in which people are going to go about it. Even when you think about yourself and your partner, no matter how much you love and respect one another, there are going to be times when you disagree about parenting tactics and techniques. And that's perfectly okay because there are ways to discuss and work through things together.
Even when your husband makes a parenting decision that you find questionable, it's important to step back and remember that they likely came to that conclusion for a reason, even if it was misguided or not entirely well planned out. So, it's vital to open those lines of communication with your husband and discuss matters in an open forum, so you can both get on the same page in terms what feels right for both of you, and if something doesn't, you can decide if you're comfortable letting dad take the reigns.
If you want to learn 4 things moms can do when dad makes questionable parenting decisions, keep reading.
4. Be Understanding & Move Forward
As a mom in this age, it's important to be flexible and willing to work things out with partner when it comes to parenting to get back to that good place. Very Well Family notes that it's important to think about what your child needs from you and how that changes as they grow older, so your partner's parenting style might change up a bit. So, it's vital to be flexible and recognize when things do need to change.
They also note that when your child's dad makes a questionable parenting decision, it's crucial to "give second chances" and realize that everyone's human and we're all going to make mistakes. There can be a discussion about the decision that was made and why you considered it problematic or questionable and from there that also gives you the opportunity to show them your support as well as forgiveness.
3. Acknowledge That You Can Possibly Parent Two Different Ways
It can actually be really healthy for any relationship, even aside from parenting, to realize that you and your partner are two different people with varying points of view and that's actually what can make things work well in the first place. Care.com suggests that even though many children benefit from consistency from their parents, "it may actually benefit a child to have parents who don’t parent the same way."
In that, even if you find your husband's parenting choice to be questionable, that might just be from your perspective. The quicker you come to realize that it's okay for your child's father to parent in his own distinct way, the less time you'll spend arguing or in heated discussions about these things. If there's a larger problem at play here, as we've said, there needs to be a respectful conversation between both parties without any children present.
2. Defer To Him If He Feels Strongly About The Dilemma
Another way to make it through dad's questionable parenting choice is to stop and ask him if this is something that's quite important to him in terms of how he handled the situation and if the answer is yes, you could very well let him take the lead on this matter. We've discussed patience and forgiveness and acknowledging that your partner may have a different way of parenting and as long as it's healthy and safe for the child, he should be able to do so.
Empoweringparents.com notes that it's important that if you and your spouse disagree on a matter concerning parenting or discipline and there's no compromise to be found, it's okay to simply "try to defer to the parent who feels more strongly about it." They note that if your husband feels quite "adamant" about his position, you can try to accommodate his stance by allowing him to ride out this wave if he feels so secure in his position.
1. Brainstorm New Solutions Together
Lastly, if you're having a hard time coming to terms with a parenting decision in which your child's father made, it never hurts to really sit down and brainstorm some solutions and parenting techniques together that make sense for the both of you. When you sit down to really come together on a parenting matter and how to move forward together on a united front, it also allows for a healthy discussion as well as really listening to the other person's point of view. If you're prepared to listen as well as provide feedback, it's likely that a healthy solution will come forward that will make the both of you feel happy and fulfilled.
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